And the winner is...the divorce rate!

After watching (and laughing mockingly at) the past two episodes of ABC's “The Bachelorette,” I've begun to wonder how our culture has substituted its own definitions for love and relationships. How foolish must we be to think that someone can find their true love out of a handful of guys selected by a television station? Because obviously ABC is an expert matchmaker and cares only about the happiness of the bachelor/bachelorette... Wait, what about the two dozen suitors? Actually, I'm pretty sure ABC is more concerned with ratings than any of that.

American culture says you must win to be happy. You have to be the best, better than everyone else. When those values are applied to relationships, you get reality shows like “The Bachelor/Bachelorette.” Instead of individuals looking for someone they are compatible with, they fight like dogs to win – perhaps steal is a better word – the heart of the one person ABC chose for them. One of the most amusing and saddest parts of the show is watching every guy talk about how he feels some sort of deep connection with the girl. Wake up call! You've only known she existed for a few weeks! When the guy on the glacier date said that was the best day of his life, the only excuse I could think of for him saying that was the airplane and the glacier, not the girl. Either that or he's had a pretty boring life. How much of the romance will be left when they're eating TV dinners watching “I Survived a Japanese Game Show” instead of rolling around on their own glacier?

“The Bachelor” and “The Bachelorette” portray love as a prize to be won, a game where there are winners and losers. At the rose ceremonies I've seen, I've never once seen a guy say anything close to, “Ya know, she's a great girl, but I don't think she's the one for me.” Instead its all fluff – sure they always show the girl asking if they guy wants to have kids, but their answers are as predictable as someone who memorized answers for a job interview: “Certainly, I want a family and kids,” they all say. Call me cynical, but I can't believe that all of them truly want that – or at least understand what they're saying they want. Other than kids, there's all this ooey-gooey touchy-feely stuff that seems to be based a lot more on lust than love.

Every guy wants to win – its embedded in being an American and being a guy. However, there are some things that just aren't about winning in the traditional sense. Back in high school, my English teacher had the seniors in his class announce results of college applications regardless of whether they were accepted, rejected, or wait-listed. He insisted that we celebrate rejections as well as acceptances because they were just as valuable because even though it stung, it was better to be rejected outright rather than to be accepted to a college that you wouldn't be happy at and have to either suck it up for four years or go through the process of transferring. Dating should be the same way. Sure, breaking up isn't the best feeling in the world, but you'd be hard-pressed to find a couple that's gone through a nasty divorce who would say fighting for every last piece of property felt better than breaking up.

“The Bachelorette” would make a great romantic comedy – all the laughs, and when it was over, nobody actually gets hurt. However, as a reality show, the problems don't end when the credits role.