Quotable (Bachelorette Version)

Oh the Bachelorette…I just couldn’t resist…

“Ed leaving made me realize how serious this is…” – Jillian. Really Jillian? Did you not realize that it choosing a husband was serious before?

“I still miss Ed…I would love to be around someone who can cheer me up tonight.” – Jillian. So now you’re just looking for a rebound? This is the problem with turning love into a competition – there’s no turning back. There’s no being patient with each other or compromising – its stay on the show or give up on it ever working. Not such a good model for marriage. In a relationship, compromises are going to have to happen. I have yet to meet a happily married coupe that hasn’t had to make compromises.

“I’ve been asking for a one on one so I can show her I’m a guy she could fall in love with.” – Robby. As cute as these dates are, when they’re created by the show’s producers they don’t show anything about the guys.

“Love doesn’t have an age, love don’t have a job, love can happen at any time.” – Robby.

“I wish I had a bigger vocabulary so I could describe how I felt.” – Robby. I think this one speaks for itself, considering the only word that he could use is “relaxing” before he said that.

“Having these heartbreaking days just keeps getting harder and harder.” – Jillian. Did you think it would be easy to reject people you had hooked up with when they think you’re the only girl out there?

“The fame I’ll get from this…there’s no doubt this will help me. I’ll always have Jillian wrapped around my little finger.” – Wes. Women of the world, please, PLEASE show me you have some common sense. Blacklist him. Don’t pretend y’all don’t get together and have some secret list of undateable guys. You don’t have to justify it – just add him to it.

“I want to get as close to her feet as possible.” – Tanner. Weirdo.

“I feel like when you’re in the snow you can do whatever you want.” – Jillian. I think that comes a few weeks from now when the overnight dates…oh wait, that’s a bad idea, too…

“So this girl is out with your friends. Have you told her how you felt?” Conductor. “No.” – Reid. “That’s a big problem” – Conductor. Finally some common sense. Oh wait, the conductor doesn’t realize how long…err short…they’ve know each other.

“It’s crazy how fast this all happens.” – Jillian. Light bulb moment. Now that the light bulb has gone on, will being able to see what’s going on make any difference? Highly doubtful. And there she goes kissing another guy…

“I think I’m a little shy…but I want a hometown date. I’m going to step it up.” – Tanner. This just seconds before he drops his pants to show Jillian (and all the other guys) what he sleeps in at night.

“It’s real now. There’s real emotions invested.” – Jesse. Were you faking it before? Well, it got him some kissing time with Jillian.

“This is a competition…and whatever you can do to get ahead…It wasn’t something I liked to do.” – Tanner. Not surprisingly, Wes bashes him for it. Have I mentioned I think turning love into a competition is a bad idea? How much will all these guys care about Jillian once she’s no longer a prize to be won? What happens when the new prize is the new office secretary or law firm partner? Sorry Jillian, but you’re just an old trophy gathering dust now.

“Will Michael get a hometown date? Or will his dream of love be crushed forever?” – Narrator. Shame on ABC for pretending like all the guys who don’t get Jillian will never find love. As wonderful as Jillian may be, she’s obviously not the right guy for every guy on the show. Sorry ABC, but the show isn’t “Last Woman on Earth.” Heck, perhaps it show even be titled “A Bachelorette.”

“I really, really like you. I’m not going to tell you I love you, but everything’s lining up.” – Jake. Not bad for this show. Though he blows it a few minutes later when off-stage (yes, off-stage) he says “Jillian’s the one I want to marry.”

What did you think of me when you first saw me when you were with 29 other guys?” “Well, you stood out to me.” – Reid. Well-spoken Reid! I would hope that if you were going on “The Bachelorette,” you weren’t gay so the woman should stand out among the other 29 guys…

“I really thought by now I would have this nailed down…” – Jillian before the rose ceremony. Well, now that you’ve kissed them all multiple times…

“It makes me feel really lucky and really grateful…” – Jillian at the rose ceremony about how she was thankful for all the guys caring about her. Yes, be grateful that you’re a prize to be won. Be grateful that Wes wants to boost his music career. Be grateful that ABC wants high ratings and is willing to use you as a pawn.

“I would have liked to have know what it was. I did everything I could do…” – Jake. Jake, you’re better than a TV show romance. It shouldn’t be a fight for one prize – there are other girls out there. The previews for the next weeks show clips from the finale with Jillian visibly and verbally distraught over how she’s not sure if she’s making the right choice. This isn’t how engagements are supposed to happen. It should be a joyful experience, not one that leaves you in tears of sorrow. It should be a celebration of your final commitment to the one you love, not marriage by elimination. How can you say be happy when you’ve just eliminated several guys you recently spent the night with?

“Am I too cynical?” – Me.